Sheen and the Hobo
by Dickelodeon
Summary: In this brief yet morbid Jimmy Neutron adventure, the boy genius pays a homeless person to dress up like Ultra Lord and show his friend Sheen a good time. Little does anyone know Sheen is about to get raped inside a dumpster by this greasy drifter. And can you believe it gets even worse from there? Well it does. Come at me Critics United Bastards!


"Now remember, leave the mask on and just show our friend a good time, all right?" Jimmy Neutron reminded the homeless man as he adjusted his cheap Ultra Lord costume.

"Yeah yeah, do you have the money or what?" the greasy vagrant huffed back. Jimmy groaned and handed over his allowance, saying "Now get in position, he's on his way here!" they both went in opposite directions past the dumpster.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Jimmy? I mean, Sheen's not really gonna believe that guy is Ultra Lord, doncha think?" Carl whimpered. As the boys walked toward the front of the Candy Bar, Jimmy Neutron explained the plan.

"It's possible, we have to hope so because he's so depressed about probably being held back again and I don't wanna use science this week to help him. I got other things to do. As long as he can't tell that's his mask and cape we swiped to put on that hobo he should buy it and that'll distract him from his shitty life for a couple hours. Plus I heard from the guys under the bridge that this particular hobo is a thespian so he should be able to sell it good," Jimmy sighed and patted Carl on the back.

"But he smells so bad, we coulda asked someone cleaner and safer looking?" Carl's whining was beginning to irritate Jimmy as they got into place. "Carl, all the other adults Sheen would recognize. Besides, he doesn't know what Ultra Lord smells like. Now shut up and follow my lead." Just as Jimmy said that Sheen trundled up to the candy bar. He still looked downtrodden because he was surely doing to be left behind a grade because he's an idiot.

"Hey guys, thanks for taking me out to ice cream. Sugar always makes things better, and who knows maybe the brain freeze I get will jump start my brain smarts…" Sheen said as optimistically as he could in his sad state.

"Well, that's not how brains or brain freeze works but, whatever sure, come on Sheen," Jimmy Neutron waved his hand through the air, which was the signal for their vagabond friend. The man dressed in a wife beater and boxers also wearing a purple cape and Ultra Lord mask leapt through the air blocking their path to the ice cream parlor.

"Halt, citizens, there is danger afoot!" the vagabond blustered half-heartedly. His eyes widened when he saw how young Sheen was. "Hey, hold up. You didn't say your friend was-" Jimmy cut him off.

"What, are you stupid? Of course he's the same age as us. Who else would we be friends with who loves fucking Ultra Lord?" barked Jimmy. The entire time Sheen was frozen. His pubescent dick was fully erect yet still managed to squirt urine along his zipper.

"Uh-Ultra Lord?!" Sheen cried with more love than Tom Cruise has for the church of scientology. He ran up to the stinky man and embraced him in a tight hug, totally ignoring the stench of horse manure and rot. The vagrant glanced up to Jimmy Neutron, who gave him a gesture to just roll with it all. Then, busting into a near perfect impression of the TV character, he pried Sheen off his body as the wild boy flailed his arms trying to touch his idol again.

"It's good to see I have loyal subjects! Come, I need you for a special mission!" the hobo declared. Sheen could only stammer as his head jolted between his friends and the space hero of times beyond who had just requested his help.

"Go on, Sheen," encouraged Jimmy, "Carl and I will grab a bite and you can tell us all about your adventure later." Everything was going just as he had hoped. Sheen squealed with joy and took the hobo's hand. Then they dashed around the corner back into the alley the original transaction took place. Jimmy meanwhile took Carl's hand and led him into the Candy Bar, saying, "Come, Carl. I'm buying," with a wink.

The sweaty homeless man grunted as he lifted the dumpster lid and then hoisted Sheen up making autistic sounding airplane and spaceship noises. He tossed the boy into the dumpster and then gracefully hopped over the edge inside after him, slamming the lid after them.

"What are we doing here, Ultra Lord?" Sheen peeped in excitement, still unaware of or not listening to every physical sensation that told him that wasn't legit. "Is, is this some secret portal that leads to where you keep all your spaceships and stuff?" The wannabe actor seized on the child's spectacular sugar-fueled imagination.

"This IS the ship, Sheen! Press these buttons and we'll be on our way!" the man boomed as he got comfortable behind Sheen. Sheen tapped on a broken radio in the dark as they both made more noises with their mouths. The idiots were soon both believing that their dumpster vehicle was charging through the atmosphere into the void of space just as the entire cast of the show originally did in the movie. This however was extremely pathetic. And it was about to get really fucked up.

"Now Sheen, we're off to the planet Dhamer One Nine. There are huge uh," the hobo paused mid-sentence to belch loudly, then resumed, "giant, monster things and they're probably gonna kill us both is we don't prepare for the mission!" He pointed into the air with one hand and rested the other on Sheen's shoulder.

"I'll do whatever I need to! Just show me the way, Ultra Lord!" Sheen pleaded. He placed his hands on the hairy chest and made the hobo sweat and his nibbles harden. Not breaking character, he explained the preparation. Sheen had yet to realize they were still sitting in a normal dumpster.

"It's not something I can show you. I might have the strength needed to withstand the dangers ahead, but only from years of space battles and-," again stopping to burp, "training and shit, and being a space god or whatever. There's no time for you to reach that level on your own, so I'm gonna have to transfer the strength to you!" The vagrant tried not to grin but Sheen was too thrilled with the prospect of sharing his hero's power. He hugged the man and scrambled up so that their faces were inches apart. The hobo felt Sheen's disgusting breath in his face and his wet moist dick on his chest. He wouldn't be able to contain himself much longer.

"Yes, thank you! I accept your call to duty, supreme leader!" saluted Sheen after a barrage of kisses. "Is there a serum I can drink or inject?" he asked eagerly. Before answering, the homeless man posing as Ultra Lord squeezed Sheen's shoulders and quickly spun him around.

"The only way I can transfer this much power is through your butt, Sheen!" declared the Ultra hobo, already yanking down Sheen's trousers. He took his fist and shoved it hard up Sheen's ass to prepare him for the fucking. You see this vagabond has a very girthy cock – a chode if you will. He needed to fist the young man first to widen his ripening rectum. Sheen bleated like a goat as he was banged against the dumpster wall. He clenched his teeth and through tears of joy he breathed, "I'm ready."

The hobo yanked out his fist, holding and covered in clumps of fresh shit that he proceeded to wipe on the back of Sheen's shirt. Once the bigger chunks of fecal matter were smeared down the vagrant pulled his sweaty cock through the widened fly of his underwear. Pinned against the garbage, Sheen braced himself for the energy transfer only demigods can withstand. Ultra Bum could sense the desire to wail in pain and so he put a poop covered finger up to his victim's lips.

"Heroes don't cry and scream, Sheen. You're a true hero, you can… suh… survive this butt transfer and help Ultra Lord… defeat the evils of the universe!" the panting vagrant announced between ragged breaths. They both went at it another few minutes before Sheen's pelvic muscles tore and hairline cracks began to form in the center of the pelvis itself. Semen burst out the stretched walls of Sheen's ass, and as the hobo slid his shrinking dick out of the ravaged butthole, a bunch of blood fell out with it all soaking them both. Sheen collapsed on the piles of trash breathing heavily. He was in a weaker state than he had ever been and was bleeding internally but he had never felt stronger and more alive.

"Water…I need water…" gasped the child. The hobo's eyes had adjusted to the darkness but found no signs of fluids. Noticing his cock was covered in ejaculate, he wasted no time falling on top of Sheen and precision landing his member inside his gaping piehole. Sheen relished the rare opportunity to orally pleasure the great Ultra Lord, and he proceeded to tongue the shit out of that dick. With all the sores in Sheen's mouth and the various diseases – venereal or otherwise – festering on the man's boner, well let's just say a pretty disgusting and extraordinary exchange of germs and bacteria was happening in this moment. Sheen came on himself and the hobo posing as the object of his greatest desires. The homeless Ultra Lord imposter slumped against him, and he felt crushed by the warm mass. For a few minutes they both just caught their breath as the adrenaline from their double fuck wore down. When the bum recovered from his impactful orgasm, he gave Sheen a lazy, almost loving and longing look. As the sly grin on his stubbled face spread, the discomfort of the situation finally reached Sheen. But far too late.

"You have…nice…ears…" mumbled the greasy homeless person. Then gripping Sheen's head so that one hand covered his mouth tightly, he leaned in and bit the child's ear hard. Under a clenched bite for 2 seconds the hobo ripped Sheen's ear off, spraying more blood onto them both. Sheen struggled a smidge and cried a few muffled shrieks but the hobo's iron grip soon robbed the boy of consciousness. Once passed out, the disgusting bum dropped Sheen onto the filth below and dropped his crusty underwear, revealing an assortment of other people's ears and fingers and a couple eyeballs that were slowly rotting and contributing to the his body's stench. Sniffing and licking the dismembered ear a moment before tossing it into his collection, the homeless murderer sighed having received quite the satisfaction from this afternoon job.

A few hours later, after Jimmy and Carl finished their ice cream goodies and figured their friend had had a romp on par with their adventures in other episodes, they were walking back to the Candy bar to see if the pair had returned from their secret mission. The boys were horrified to find Sheen stumbling around the parking lot covered in blood and feces. A hardened and sperm filled sock loosely plugged up Sheen's bleeding butthole, and his fractured pelvis contributed to his clumsy walk that left blood splatter all over the pavement. Naked from the waist down, his shirt was caked with poop and the shoulder below his missing ear was soaked red.

"Oh my god! Sheen! What the hell happened, Sheen, speak to me!" Carl begged frantically.

"I'm around with it," he murmured back before collapsing, his bleeding head smacking hard against the asphalt.

His friends got him to Retroville Mercy General on Goddard. Due to the rectal hemorrhaging coupled with the countless infections received before during and after the assault, Sheen died a few days later in his hospital bed, having never fully regained consciousness. In his final hours though, Sheen Estevez experienced true bliss having achieved his most secret dream. He had taken and embraced the manhood of his mentor and idol; he had traveled in a dumpster with Ultra Lord and his hero even held a piece of him now. In a way he would always be with Ultra Lord, and even if he didn't survive the absorption of his power, he would die knowing he gave it his all and his ass and Ultra Lord would be proud.

The man Jimmy paid to pretend to be Ultra Lord disappeared from Retroville and remains at large. None of his other victims, including those whose body parts he holds as souvenirs, have come forward. While Jimmy Neutron sees this mostly as a misadventure out of his control, Carl couldn't handle the guilt of being involved in his friend's grisly death and was found a week later hanging in his family's linen cabinet. But that's another story. The end.


End file.
